Trying and failing

I invite you out to the mall. We can meet for coffee.

i ask you if we can go see a movie or if you'd like to do dinner.

i ask you if you'd like to go to the beach.

i ask you. I try. I make some effort.

but everytime you say no you'r too busy.

i try but always fail

Screaming

What do i do? Im asking and i want an answer.

i wont club because i cant stand the scene and an ex made my name shit so its torture for me.

anyone i know in durban is always """too busy""" for me so i have no friends to see.

the only people who do wanna see me want sex and im sorry but im not a slut.

so what do i do?

One of those days

You ever have one of those days? Where you want to do something, anything really but just dont have the will to try and just think what the fuck is the point in even trying? Im having one of those days. There so many things i want to do but why bother?

I feel

I feel like im trapped, like nothing i do matters because in the end i'l still be unhappy. All my friends are chat/cyber based who i never see so i have no social life. The people i do see are the ones who are friendly enough to say hello when im paying for cigarettes for shopping-people that work in shops.

i'v been told to get out there and to go clubbing but honestly i HATE that idea. I dont feel happy in clubs because most gay people are two-faced back-stabbing and shallow so at the end of the night i go out to meet new people which doesnt work and i come home feeling even more depressed because of people """whispering""" about me behind my back.

im not cool im not popular i know that and i dont care. I like who i am. Im weird and strange but its what makes me a great person. But being a good person doesnt keep me warm at night or fight away loneliness from not having friends to see.

So much to say

I honestly have so much to say but i got no clue where to start so i'l say this. Comment on what i'v said. Tell me what you think. I appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. If you going to be a bitch then dont bother. If its negative but you'r trying to help well tell me